Now Trending (Vol. 2)

MOHAWKS
Just get mohawks the f*** outta here.

First time I ever saw a mohawk it had to be on a village n***a (homosexual) somewhere. And just as leather wristbands, skinny pants + Vans, and cartilage earrings are all FTF, I gotta believe that mohawks too are FTF (look up FTF, “for the…” we don’t wanna use the word).

The only player who we will let rock with the mohawk is Birdman, for one he’s white and we’re not so I can’t speak on their culture, and I know that some murderers have donned mohawks in the past so he can cook. I’m also inclined to believe that the cocaine and alcohol in his past have led him to such an extreme hairstyle.

It’s crazy cuz as I type this 3 of my little cousin’s are asking me to take them to the park to play ball, and not one of them has a mohawk carved into their head. This is amazing. I feel like I have really made a difference in their lives.

If YOU were born b4 1992 and YOU let the barber shave the top of your scalp and then went to a basketball court, please understand that this post is for you. If you were born after 1992, get the f*** off the internet and into class, cuz there’s minimal hope for you as I see it.

It’s real quiet for you J.R.

Russ really has side of the motorcycle designs shaved into his head. The basketball Gods will more than likely never forgive this Mr. Bumpface. This is why I don’t f*** with the Left Coast, more or less. Yall give us stuff like this, The Game albums, and then yall manage to send earthquakes our way while we still tryna enjoy these last couple summer days smh, foh.

This is actually an extreme case of a mohawk, as I mentioned before I thought that the hawk was FTF. Going to jail days after winning a championship is swag, but at the same time if he didn’t have that mohawk he would have made better lifestyle choices.

Just look at Slammin Sammy grill, that’s a face of despair and struggle. Its like he knows for a fact that he ain’t never gon be shit *Bishop’s voice*. Sammy mohawk-like attitude (minimal hair, minimal effort) is just rubbing off on Iggy and Rodney Carney as they look like they’re ready for the game to end.

Yup, and then this happened….

Same man.

But exactly how does the mohawk translate to on court performance? That is the question that you should ask yourself…

Answer

Remember this guy? Former #1 overall pick in the 2006 NBA Draft, taken ahead of Kevin Durant. This same young man once led the Ohio St Buckeyes to the NCAA Title game. He was like a college David Robinson. Sky was the limit for him.

Look at his face NOW. Nah forreal look at him now. Some of us have never seen a Greg Oden highlight before. What are his credentials? 7 foot exhibitionist? Professional Injured Reserve player? Sam Bowie #2? Can’t think of any positive contributions that he has made to the sport of bball. G.O. played 82 games in the same span that it took me to graduate from college. I probably played as many intramural games in my 4 years as G.O. has played professional games in his 4 years smh.

Need more convincing?

Hasheem Thabeet
Again I say look at his face. Have any of the players that we’ve documented with these mohawks looked happy? I honestly didn’t know who this was for like 3 seconds, and once I figured it out I had to throw him up here. If he woulda stayed one more year at UConn this wouldn’t have happened. I honestly don’t even know if Thabeet has touched an NBA court in 2 seasons. He’s not even good in the D-League. I know he lacked offensive skills coming into the NBA, but this mohawk is the real reason for his struggles.

See what a regular haircut, or in this case no haircut can lead to? Nice little yellow bone on ya arm at the Final Four.

Moral of this story is that this mohawk trend just leads to a boulevard of nothingness. Think about all the young kids you see in the streets with mohawks, and ask yourself “would I ever hire him”, “would I choose him in a game of pickup”, “would he fight me if I tried to talk to his girl”. My answer, to each of these questions is simply no. The mohawk, or frohawk or whatever you wanna call it must go. Next time u go to the barbershop just get a caesar, a taper, even a fade is better than this.

Take heed to this advice, because I know a few ballers and ordinary n****s with mohawks, and its quiet for yall.

Swishhhh

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