Please Explain ft. Derrick Rose

Bruh…

Again. Bruh???

I’m glad there’s a temporary lockout yo, cuz you need to reevaluate what you do off the court. He’s probably a top 3 talent in the NBA today, with an MVP and 3 playoff trips in 3 years to match. And after this season I’m almost 100% sure he’ll be the #1 point guard in the league BUT, we ain’t playing ball right now are we??? So we gonna address some of the things that stand out about you off court.

Haircut:
It ain’t as bad as Kev Durant but my guy, we work for measly wages over here at Swish and we can scrape 20 cash together every two weeks to get a formidable cut. I wonder if you’ve ever greased your hair gawd. In all honesty it seem like you don’t even care. He wouldn’t have survived the NBA’s Dark Ages where durags and bandanas were a must. No way Allen Iverson would have let him win an MVP back then. I saw Lupe at the BET Awards with those Celie in The Color Purple joints in his head, am I missing something Chicago?

Speech:
Man, did you really go to class at the U of Memphis gawd?? Did you participate? Were your test scores and projects flagged as they should have been?

I really hope you don’t win another award or lead your team in scoring or hit a game winning shot ever again if I gotta witness this. Not cause I’m hating but because I really feel bad for you fam. Your family must have just known from the moment you were conceived that you were destined for the league.

Lack of Females:
Money, you’re in the NBA. Act like it. Part of making it to the NBA is to show off some sort of women. That’s why God limited the amount of talent I had, I woulda disgraced my family with my antics. It’s probably cuz ya haircut trash tho. But really son, I went through mad photos and there’s none with a female. You couldn’t sneak a ‘drunk arm around some chick you hardly know’ pic in since 08? I woulda assumed you got the box just off the strength. Idk if I respect ya 3 years in the league without a ring and/or a girl/female scandal. Derrick Rose = Tim Tebow?

Adidas:
You gotta let that endoresment go fam. You and Tim Duncan really made Adidas equal to house slippers. Dwight is tryna save it with his persona but if you under 6’9″ you shouldn’t wear anything that Dwight endorses. Just think about ppl who’ve been on Adidas for a second:

Do I even need to continue?
“If you wanna get with a winner you gotta drop that chicken dinner” -Jerome

But shout out to the ppl at Adidas for keeping Derrick’s dialogue limited or non existent in their commercials.

Swishhhhh

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