What’s shakin family, it’s ya man Uncle Swish but call me you can refer to me as Kris Broussard for the time being, no relation to that lightskin dude from ESPN Chris Broussard. The relief of the lockout ending combined with the anticipation of the Christmas Day opener has made the NBA rumor mill run wild like never before. Please don’t believe the hype. You have New Yorkers out here trying to trade Chauncey Billups plus, some ox tails, peas & rice for Chris Paul. Sh*t is wild felonious in the streets right now, but leave it to the Swish Gods to give you some 100% factual, fake professional suggestions of what moves actually CAN and SHOULD be made before the start of the season.
GOLDEN ST sends Monta Ellis($11 Million for 2yrs+1) & Charlie Bell($4 Million for 1 yr) to UTAH for Al Jefferson($14 Million for 2yrs) – Steph Curry face clearly reads “I can’t wait till you get the f*ck up outta here” Monta has been on his way out for about 2 years now, its too much lightskin for one backcourt, they put not one ounce of fear in any team’s heart whatsoever. But on the real side, GS just drafted Klay Thompson who is going to be a great 2 guard with good size at 6’7, tremendous upside, they’d be wise to let him develop early and move Monta now. On the other hand Utah is stacked at the PF/C position with Favors, Milsap, Okur and Jefferson. They lack a true outside scorer and Monta is as explosive as they come. Jefferson is expendable and Favors will get more time to develop without him. So you swap these 2, throw in Charlie Bell’s expiring contract to make the numbers work out. A Ellis, Devin Harris in Utah could possibly be one of the most exciting in the league, and Al Jeff makes GS a legit 8th seed contender in the West.
NEW JERSEY sends Brook lopez, Brandan Wright & 2 1st rounds to ORLANDO for Dwight Howard – This is the only trade that we didn’t formulate ourselves, but it’s up here nonetheless because it does make complete sense for both sides. Orlando would have to be completely f*ckin stupid not to take this move. Dwight is going to walk once his contract is up, and its too risky to possibly let him leave with nothing in return(a la the Cavs last season). The Nets are offering a young 7 footer in Lopez, another young forward with upside in Wright, AND 2 first round picks. Next years draft is very deep. All that adds up to a formula to completely rebuild a team(a la OKC a few years ago with the Ray Allen trade). Dwight & Deron become a new school Stockton & Malone in the House that Hov built & become immediate contenders. Both sides win.
LOS ANGELES sends Pau Gasol($18.7 Million for 3yrs) & Devin Ebanks(778k for 1yr) to ATLANTA for Josh Smith($12 Million for 2 yrs) & Kirk Hinrich($8 Million for 1 yr) – Yeaaa Pau its time for you to get your spanish soap opera ass the f*ck out of tinsel town. Right now he’s the most attractive trade piece on the Lakers roster, a roster that needs a athleticism and youth boost. And the way Pau looked this past playoffs, his contract is looking a tad bit overpriced. So ship him to ATL, the Hawks struggle finding easy points at times because they lack a true post scorer, Josh Smith and Al Horford really have the same exact game. Smith has been rumored to wanting out of Atlanta for a while now, and probably wouldn’t have signed back with the Hawks after his contract finished a year from now. So the Hawks get value for him while they can. The Hawks reluctantly end up shipping away Kirk Hinrich in order to make the mathematics of the deal work out. And Hinrich happens to be a perfect fit to start at the 1 for the Lakers giving Derek Fisher his rightful role as a back up at age 38. (His expiring contract is great too) Loosing Pau, LA looses some scoring, but Bynum can now get those touches. Smith adds athleticism, and a guy who can match up 1 on 1 with the Lakers 2 biggest Western foes, Dirk & Kevin Durant. Yo Jerry Buss lets get to work.
NEW YORK sends Chauncey Billups($14.2 Million for 1 year) & Landry Fields(788k for 1yr) to PHOENIX for Steve Nash($11.7 Million for 1 yr) & Jared Dudley($3.1 Million for 1 yr) – The beauty in this scenario is that its a one shot deal for both parties, so it should be easy to pull the trigger. As great as Chauncey is, he’s not the type of guard for D’Antoni’s system. Steve Nash knows not a damn thing about defense so he will fight right at home with Carmelo and Amare. The Suns management has been rumored to want to send Nash off somewhere where he has the chance to win a title after all he’s done for them. NY is the perfect spot, the Suns are in rebuilding mode anyway. And they get to fill the void at 2 guard with Landry Fields, once they most likely release Vince Carter. Even without a defense NY becomes one of the most dangerous teams in the league….smh can you picture Nash running the pick & roll with Amare and Carmelo waiting in the corner!? The Garden is going to be back in 90s mode.
And yo if you want to know how I’m so sure that these trades worked out, the answer is tried it when I was playing my 2K12 franchise last night, so its gotta be fact then. Don’t question me bro. Just remember you heard it all here first.