The 3 Reasons You Didn’t Make The League

“I seen hoop dreams deflate like a true fiends weight”

Youth is so dope because it blinds us from thinking realistically. At age 12, there was nothing you could tell me to have me think that I wasn’t going to the league. From that first time I clapped the backboard on a layup I knew I made it already. My nike headband was upside-down, my kicks were official, and once moms copped me the Iverson arm sleeve I figured I’d put my name in the draft after 8th grade.
In reality however, it takes a specific type of person to get to the NBA man, and that wasn’t me, and it wasn’t you either. Its rules to this thing, commandments I guess you could say. So I’m exposing this wisdom to all aspiring ballers, as well as all of us past our prime who didn’t make it, hopefully you see the commonalities in all of our journeys. If your guilty of anything on this list, just give it up and pick up a book man. Go bury yourself in that library, take apart a computer, learn how to invent some sh*t you feel me. Your dream is over. The sooner you learn this the better you’ll be in the long run.

1. The Law of Recreational Marajuana Use 
Man the first time I inhaled the Reginald my eyes lit up, and a smile forcefully came across my face. I should’ve known it was over for me right there and then. For that very second, I found something that was more important than basketball, I was high, hungry, & happy with a group of spanish women. Word to Jesus Shuttlesworth, spanish women are the high school ballers potential downfall. You need further examples, just look at Vanessa Bryant she’s mexican. Anyways, if that first pull of mary jane isn’t the most traumatizing life experience you’ve had thus far, its over for your career. I’m positive Chris Paul has never even smelled a marijuana scent in his life. You can only get high if you know you’re going to be at least 6’10. Then you’ll just be Andre Blatche.

2. The Law of Fornication

Yo if I stayed a virgin I would’ve grown to be 6’4 205 AT LEAST. I know I would’ve. UNC had a scholarship just WAITING for me, and Roy Williams didn’t send it out after he found out I was getting buns. This is all true. Look at my man Jimmer Fredette right here, he’s got a potential playmate on his arm and he has not penetrated her not one time. That’s why he made it and we didn’t. He’s 6’2, average athleticism, and made it to the league. How else do you explain that!? The God Timothy Tebow won a NFL playoff game as a starting quarterback with only 10 completed passes. How else do you explain that!? Virgins have a secret athletic power, God just wants them to win, on some Angels in the Outfield type of sh*t….So make sure you sign that D1 letter of intent before you dive into the box, and if not just start studying real hard.

The Law of the Fresh Cuts, Waves & Line Ups

I want ya’ll to witness the difference between legendary & lackluster

You see it? The gap in success on the court clearly can be found through the struggle naps on the head of Kevin Durant versus the waves & line up on Joe Johnson. When I was in high school, I had to get a fresh shape up before every home game. That’s why I was just a role player. During that time you go to the barbershop just to look fresh for the h**s, you could’ve been shooting around, reading a scouting report, game planning with teammates. At the time looking live for the females was way more important than anything I said in that last sentence. But look at me, then look at who you want to be. Be like KD, he’s at that podium with a head full of peas still thinking about that play he should’ve made in the 3rd quarter. Meanwhile Joe Johnson is thinking about hitting up Magic City as soon as that buzzer sounds. Don’t do the latter of the two, be great instead.

So if you’re reading through this, most likely your just like me, you’ve fornicated with a few beautiful women(some not so much but you were drunk and/or the room was dark) you’ve gotten way too zooted on occasion, and you were always fly on game day. And that’s ok, there’s room for dudes like us to prosper in this world too, just not in the National Basketball Association. And if you’re young enough to still follow these laws, use them, abide by them, and you better give us a shout out on draft day. And never forget the damage that the right spanish woman can do to your career. Ya’ll be cool.

….Fast Forward to 8:22

Swissshhhhhh

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