2. The Law of Fornication
Yo if I stayed a virgin I would’ve grown to be 6’4 205 AT LEAST. I know I would’ve. UNC had a scholarship just WAITING for me, and Roy Williams didn’t send it out after he found out I was getting buns. This is all true. Look at my man Jimmer Fredette right here, he’s got a potential playmate on his arm and he has not penetrated her not one time. That’s why he made it and we didn’t. He’s 6’2, average athleticism, and made it to the league. How else do you explain that!? The God Timothy Tebow won a NFL playoff game as a starting quarterback with only 10 completed passes. How else do you explain that!? Virgins have a secret athletic power, God just wants them to win, on some Angels in the Outfield type of sh*t….So make sure you sign that D1 letter of intent before you dive into the box, and if not just start studying real hard.
The Law of the Fresh Cuts, Waves & Line Ups
You see it? The gap in success on the court clearly can be found through the struggle naps on the head of Kevin Durant versus the waves & line up on Joe Johnson. When I was in high school, I had to get a fresh shape up before every home game. That’s why I was just a role player. During that time you go to the barbershop just to look fresh for the h**s, you could’ve been shooting around, reading a scouting report, game planning with teammates. At the time looking live for the females was way more important than anything I said in that last sentence. But look at me, then look at who you want to be. Be like KD, he’s at that podium with a head full of peas still thinking about that play he should’ve made in the 3rd quarter. Meanwhile Joe Johnson is thinking about hitting up Magic City as soon as that buzzer sounds. Don’t do the latter of the two, be great instead.
So if you’re reading through this, most likely your just like me, you’ve fornicated with a few beautiful women(some not so much but you were drunk and/or the room was dark) you’ve gotten way too zooted on occasion, and you were always fly on game day. And that’s ok, there’s room for dudes like us to prosper in this world too, just not in the National Basketball Association. And if you’re young enough to still follow these laws, use them, abide by them, and you better give us a shout out on draft day. And never forget the damage that the right spanish woman can do to your career. Ya’ll be cool.
….Fast Forward to 8:22