The 10 Chip Commandments

First things first, RIP Frank White, the 2nd greatest rapper of all time. (Don’t care if you disagree)
Let this play while you go thru this list, I made it up with the instrumental in my head so its probably more wavy that way.
“Can’t tell me nothing bout this coke, can’t tell me nothin bout this crack, this weed” The same way BIG felt about the drug game is the same way we feel about this game of basketball. 
With the playoffs about to commence in about 3 weeks, I know all of us fans are begging to claim who the real contenders for are for that ever so elusive Larry O’Brien trophy. So this here list is more relevant than ever, a list of 10 common characteristics between championship teams of the past 25 years.

The Past 25 NBA Champions
2010-11
Dallas Mavericks
Miami Heat
2009-10
Los Angeles Lakers
Boston Celtics
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles
2008-09
Los Angeles Lakers
Orlando Magic
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles
2007-08
Boston Celtics
Los Angeles Lakers
Paul Pierce, Boston
2006-07
San Antonio Spurs
Cleveland Cavaliers
Tony Parker, San Antonio
2005-06
Miami Heat
Dallas Mavericks
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
2004-05
San Antonio Spurs
Detroit Pistons
Tim Duncan, San Antonio
2003-04
Detroit Pistons
Los Angeles Lakers
Chauncey Billups, Detroit Pistons
2002-03
San Antonio Spurs
New Jersey Nets
Tim Duncan, San Antonio
2001-02
Los Angeles Lakers
New Jersey Nets
Shaquille O’Neal, Los Angeles
2000-01
Los Angeles Lakers
Philadelphia 76ers
Shaquille O’Neal, Los Angeles
1999-00
Los Angeles Lakers
Indiana Pacers
Shaquille O’Neal, Los Angeles
1998-99
San Antonio Spurs
New York Knicks
Tim Duncan, San Antonio
1997-98
Chicago Bulls
Utah Jazz
1996-97
Chicago Bulls
Utah Jazz
1995-96
Chicago Bulls
Seattle SuperSonics
1994-95
Houston Rockets
Orlando Magic
1993-94
Houston Rockets
New York Knicks
1992-93
Chicago Bulls
Phoenix Suns
1991-92
Chicago Bulls
Portland Trail Blazers
1990-91
Chicago Bulls
Los Angeles Lakers
1989-90
Detroit Pistons
Portland Trail Blazers
Isiah Thomas, Detroit
1988-89
Detroit Pistons
Los Angeles Lakers
Joe Dumars, Detroit
1987-88
Los Angeles Lakers
Detroit Pistons
James Worthy, Los Angeles
1986-87
Los Angeles Lakers
Boston Celtics
Magic Johnson, Los Angeles
1985-86
Boston Celtics
Houston Rockets
Larry Bird, Boston

THE TEN CHIP COMMANDMENTS

1. DRAFT YOUR BEST PLAYER
If nothing else I hope this list can help to dispel the current non sensical theory that you need to trade for a superstar if you don’t already have one. *looks over at Knicks fans* 21 out of the past 25 champions have been lead by a superstar who was drafted by that franchise. This rule has only been broken by the 3 peat Lakers from 1999-2002 who were lead by Shaq(I could make a argument that Kobe lead the team but I digress), and the cinderalla champion Pistons from 2003-04 whom were lead by a combo of Chauncey Billups & Rasheed Wallace. Other than that, champions are made through luck of the draft. Jordan, Bird, Magic, Hakeem, Kobe, Duncan, D Wade, Pierce, and Dirk have are responsible for 84% of championships over the past 25 years, and were all draft picks.

2. THOU SHALL NOT WIN WITH A SUPERSTAR POINT GUARD
The other stupid yet trendy idea currently is that you need a great point guard in order to compete in today’s league. I understand this is a point guard driven league now, but history refutes that idea. Lets run down some past championship PGs: Derek Fisher (5 times), A washed up 38 year old Jason Kidd, a young and raw Rajon Rondo, John Paxson (twice), BJ Armstrong, Avery Johnson, Kenny Smith (Twice). None of these names are anything but average. The only teams to win with the point guard as their best player were the Showtime Lakers with Magic, and the late 80s Pistons lead by Isiah Thomas. And even in those cases, the point guard was the 3rd option on offense. Magic had Kareem and Worthy, Isiah had Bill Lambier, Dumars. Iverson’s 76ers, Gary Payton’s Sonics, J Kidd’s Nets, and even the Kareem-less Lakers with Magic all failed with a PG as the main source of offense.

3. EVERYTHING MOVES FROM THE BLOCK
This rule right here can NEVER be broken, every single team from the last 25 years have played this way. The Bulls almost never really had a center, but everything went through MJ in that low post part of the Triangle. The rest is self explanatory, Dirk, Duncan, Shaq, Pau, KG, Rasheed Wallace, Hakeem, Kareem, Bill Lambier for the Pistons.
4. DOMINANT SHOT BLOCKER IN THE MIDDLE
I think you can see this characteristic in play specifically in this season if you look at the absence of Tyson Chandler from the Mavs, they went from Champion to probable first round exit without him. All championship teams have a Chandler type, whether it’d be Hakeem, Shaq, Robert Parish, or Duncan. The only outlier here is Mike & Scottie’s Bulls, which are probably the only team ever to win in the manner that they did.
5. YOUR LEADING SCORER CAN’T BE UNDER THE AGE OF 27
If this law holds true, its time for Lebron to get a ring this year. But Mike & Isiah were both 28 when they got theirs, Shaq was 27, Hakeem was 30, as was Kobe when he got his first by himself. D Wade broke this rule and got a ring as the star at 24, but whether that was his team or Shaq’s is debatable.

6. HAVE A INTERNATIONAL PLAYER IN THE ROTATION
This rule is increasingly true as time goes on. The Lakers with Pau, the Spurs with the trio of Duncan, Manu, & Tony. The Bulls had Toni. Rockets had Hakeem.

7. HAVE YOUR STAR PLAYER SPORT THE BALDIE
This law really just aimed directly at Lebron. Fam if you don’t get that bumass hairline the f*ck out of here you never going to get one, not even one lonely ring. The basketball gods don’t give a f*ck about those waves on the side of your head bruh.

8. HAVE YOUR STAR DATE A BLACK WOMAN FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME
This right here cannot be emphasized enough, and absolutely CANNOT be broken. Ya’ll know Swish endorses white women to the fullest extent, but I they’re really too submissive by nature to get you where you need to be. At the end of the day you got ta come home to a woman whose not afraid to tell you that you got your ass bust, that you really ain’t sh*t., and then cook you a good meal afterwards. Magic had Cookie, Mike had Juanita, Shaq had Shaunie, and Dirk finally got one once he had a nubian under the arm. Why you think Malone, Stockton, and Barkley never won one??

9.  HAVE A MCDONALD’S ALL AMERICAN ON THE ROSTER
Random fact that ya’ll probably don’t care about, but EVERY single championship squad since the conception of the McDonald’s All American game has had at least one McDonald’s game selection on their roster. #CoolStory yea I know but it intact is true.

10. HAVE AT LEAST ONE GOON/GANG MEMBER ON YOUR ROSTER
Most of ya’ll don’t know that the real reason the Mavs won last year is because they had 3 gang members on their team; Shawn Marion, Jason Terry, and Deshawn Stevenson all either crip walk or throw the B’s up respectively. A wild out type of player is necessary for any team to be successful. The Ron Artest’s of the world. The Dennis Rodman’s, Kurt Rambis, Mario Ellie, Bruce Bowen. The only team to ever win without a goon are the 08-09 Lakers which might possibly be the softest nicest team of all time.

Final Notes:
So based of the 10 Chip Commandments, some conclusions can be drawn…

  • The Bulls: broke commandments 2, 3, 5, 7, 8 – can’t win with D. Rose taking 25 plus shots a game, but they have a chance if Boozer can be a focal point in the post. They model after the 87-89 Pistons
  • Thunder: broke commandments 3, 5, 7 – As good as the Thunder look they are just too young to win it all right now, no debates. And if they do then KD is propelled into that MJ, Kobe, Magic, Larry discussion. But probably 2 years away. History tells us they should win at least 3 though.
  • The Clippers: broke commandments 1, 2, 5, 10 – They can’t win unless Blake Griffin establishes himself as the #1 guy on that team over Chris Paul…and that’s absolutely not happening this year
  • The Knicks : broke commandments 1, 7 – didn’t drafted neither Carmelo, Amare, or Lin. Unless Iman Shumpert becomes the best player, history tells us they can’t win it all.
  • Orlando – 3, 5, 10 doesn’t have any gang members, and they don’t run their offense through the post when it matters, so they can’t win either.
  • Mavs : broke commandment 4, 7 – don’t have a shot blocker, and they don’t let Terry and Marion do the crop handshake anymore, so they can’t win
  • Spurs: broke commandment 2, 8 – Based of the list they have a great shot, the trade for Captain Jax gives them the goon that they need. The only concern is that Tony Parker has become the number 1 option for offense, that fact combined with I’m sure he’s not dating a black chick
  • Lakers : broke commandments 3, 8 – The thing with the Lakers is that they are fully capable of not breaking any of the laws if they choose to. The only reason the offense doesn’t run through the post is cause Kobe won’t let it, and Mike Brown is too p*ssy to speak up. And for all intents & purposes, Vanessa Bryant is black for staying with him for so long while getting cheated on. But the fact that he isn’t going home to her is a concern down the line
  • Heat : broke commandments 1, 4, 7 – This is assuming that Lebron is their best player, and that he doesn’t shave his head before the playoffs. But beyond that fact, the issue is that they don’t have a shot blocker in the middle. Lucky for them Mike & Scottie didn’t need one either
So therefore, our list tells us the top 4 contenders are The Lakers, Spurs, Mavs, and the New York f*ckin Knicks. Astounding.
Swisshhhhh

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