White Man Can’t Jump – 1992
Starring – Wesley Snipes, Woody Harelson, Rosie Perez
It’s getting cold early this year, so this is the perfect time to begin plotting on that tenderoni you tryna have on your sofa those nights its too stressful to be drunk in the streets.
(This post is for the females that you’re considering giving max contracts to. Strictly Netflix work for role player chicks and stragglers that sign for the vet minimum.)
But anyways, as a respectable man you should have seen this movie yourself already. Classic film. But you want your girl to watch this specifically to see how she reacts to Rosie Perez character. Rosie is a true queen in White Man Can’t Jump. She’s cool with her dude just driving around LA playing pick up ball all day. Same way your girl should just chill and watch you play 2K some days. Woody Harrelson’s character(Billy Hoyle) is broke, and on the come up, and as bad as she is she still holds it down faithfully. Very rare these days. NOW, if your girl utters anything in the realm of “Why is she with him??” “She’s bugging, she’s doing too much for him”, just get the top, then proceed to dump the entire bowl of popcorn directly overtop her dome while she’s in the act.
That’s a little gem right there to decipher whether she’s worth the offer or if you need to let her hit the wavier wire. I’m feeling like Sonny in Bronx Tale on this one. And if you don’t know who that is I’d advise you to tune in for the next edition of this series.