WE’re finally here. 20 something days away from the start of the NBA Season. Welcome to the Class Rank, a SWISH breakdown of position rankings for all 5 spots. The criteria is based off of STRICTLY what these players will produce this NBA Season(including Playoffs). We don’t care about career accolades, efficiency ratings, PER stats or none of that corny sh**. None of those herbs who quote those stats ever touched a HS Varsity court. This is strictly basketball know-how and the “eye test”, the only things legit fans care about. Feel free to disagree on any other Class Rank post besides this because nobody reading this judges point guards better than me. – Unc
What We Know : He Probably Plays 82 Game Seasons On 2K In His Free-time 12min Quarters
What Else We Know: Worst Post Game Interviews 4th Consecutive Year
What We Expect : East All-Star Starter, All NBA 2nd Team
Why? : His Athleticism hasn’t regressed one bit. Has developed a Tony Parker-Esque floater. Adjusted and refined play style. Expect him to pick up exactly where he left off in 2011.
2. Chris Paul
What We Know : Cliff Paul Commercials Still Gonna Piss Me Off Every Sunday
What We Expect : MVP (unfortunately), West Starter, All NBA 1st Team
Why? : The NBA is horny for a Chris Paul story line, it’s his time now. Even though LeBron will have deserved another MVP, I’m 99% sure CP gets it this season, with the exact same numbers he’s put up in the past 3. Making him possibly the most overrated player of this generation.
3. Deron Williams
What We Hope : Joe Johnson Bring Both Him & Paul Pierce To A Respectable Brookyln Barber Shop
Predictions: East All-Star, League Leader in Assists
Why? : As injuries lag on and age catches up, Deron wants to be strictly a distributor, so he is in the perfect situation. If not for injuries, he’d be above CP3.
4. Russel Westbrook
The Question We Need Answered Is : How You Gonna Still Rock Leggings With The Knee Brace Under?
What We Expect : Will Once Again Be The Most Undervalued Player In the NBA 3rd Year In A Row
Why? : Injuries aside, he’s at worst the 2nd best all-around PG in the game. Have you ever seen him lose a head to head match up vs. another Elite PG??
5. Kyrie Irving
What We Know : His Central Division Battles With D.Rose & B.Jennings Will Be Must See TV
What We Expect: Most Bodies(On Court), East All Star, All NBA 3rd Team
Why? : All of the expectations placed on Kyrie’s shoulders have come way too soon. In a few years, he could potentially be #1 on this list. But right now his defense and assist numbers have to catch up to his scoring brilliance.
6. John Wall
Legend Comparison : He Will Be The Second Coming Of Gary Payton w/ Signature Sneakers Equally As Trash
What We Expect : East All-Star, Most Improved Player of the Year
Why? : The Wizards are going to shock everybody and be a legit Playoff team this season, and it will be due to John uplifting everyone else’s game.
7. Steph Curry
What I Hope : His & Klay Thompson’s Combined Efforts Can Bring Lightskin N**** Back To Prominence
What Is Likely : He’s Slowly Going To Become One Of The Most Hated Players By His Piers(A la Reggie Miller)
What We Know: He Will Be Robbed Of Another All-Star Game On Behalf Of The Guy Below Here
Why? : The Warriors are legit title contenders. And possibly the best team in the West. The overall talent in the conference and on his team will likely keep him out of the all star game again though.
8. Tony Parker
What We’re 100% Sure Of : He’s Still Sick Eva Longoria Caught Him Creeping
What Is Going To Have Us Tight : He’s Still Good Enough To Keep The Sleep Spurs Relevant, Taking Up TV Time That The Warriors, Cavs, Blazers & Pelicans Could Get.
What We Expect: West All-Star
Why? : Popovich
9. Damian Lilard
What’s Unfortunate : With CJ Mccollum’s Injury We Won’t Get To See What Would Have Been The Most Disrespectful Backcourt In The League.
What We Expect : Another Great Season Wasted In Portland
Why? : Look for Dame’s star to fade this season, strictly because he’s not coming out of nowhere this time. Also look for his talents to force Lamarcus Aldridge out of Portland by February.
10. Mike Conley
What We Know : After Reading This You Still Won’t Care About Mike Conley
What We Expect : Grizzlie’s Ownership Is So Cheap That Conley Could Potentially Make A Certain Other Team Into A Championship Favorite via Trade (Stay Tuned For “5 Trades That Make Cents” this week)
Why? : He bust Chris Paul’s ass 2 straight playoff series, and bounced him out the first round last year. When is my son going to get some respect!? He’s definitely Top 10.